You see, all this niceness gets in the way of their internal 'value calculator', or what we each believe gives us value as humans. When our value calculator computes in our minds as being intrinsically attached to our behaviour, instead of our skills, knowledge, or experience, the result is an unfortunate devaluing of ourselves and what we bring to the table.
And, when we devalue ourselves as a whole, we undervalue what we are able to achieve which negatively affects how others view us, making opportunity and reaching our full potential nearly impossible.
There is nothing wrong with being nice. But, there is something wrong with the feeling that we must be nice instead of being who we actually are.
We hear so much about how women in business have such a hard time getting ahead, being taken seriously, reaching their goals, or progressing into leadership. I believe that all this niceness that we women are so damn attached to, is the core of why success appears to often be just beyond our reach.
Because we expect ourselves to be nice and we expect other women to be nice... So, too do men in business expect you to be nice, thereby making it more difficult for them, and ourselves, to take us seriously. After all, if we have no room in our own own minds for behaviour that is honest and appropriate even if its not nice, how can we expect others to?
Don't get me wrong, here. I'm not suggesting we all go out and be bitches all day long, leaving a wake of hurt feelings and frustration in our path. Not at all! You need to have good character. Having and demonstrating good character is key to valuing yourself and others and its key to acting in ways that are respectful and kind, no matter the circumstances.
But niceness isn't character. Its a behaviour. And, for many women, its a behavioural veil that they hide behind in order to conceal what they really think and feel.
Think of this: Because we as women believe that the value of other women around us, such as our boss, coworkers or employees, is measured by how nice they behave toward us or others, we devalue everything else about them; and, if we are devaluing other women and ourselves, AND other women are devaluing themselves and each other...OMG! You can see the nasty cycle it creates.
We hear so much about how women in business have such a hard time getting ahead, being taken seriously, reaching their goals, or progressing into leadership. I believe that all this niceness that we women are so damn attached to, is the core of why success appears to often be just beyond our reach.
Because we expect ourselves to be nice and we expect other women to be nice... So, too do men in business expect you to be nice, thereby making it more difficult for them, and ourselves, to take us seriously. After all, if we have no room in our own own minds for behaviour that is honest and appropriate even if its not nice, how can we expect others to?
Don't get me wrong, here. I'm not suggesting we all go out and be bitches all day long, leaving a wake of hurt feelings and frustration in our path. Not at all! You need to have good character. Having and demonstrating good character is key to valuing yourself and others and its key to acting in ways that are respectful and kind, no matter the circumstances.
But niceness isn't character. Its a behaviour. And, for many women, its a behavioural veil that they hide behind in order to conceal what they really think and feel.
Think of this: Because we as women believe that the value of other women around us, such as our boss, coworkers or employees, is measured by how nice they behave toward us or others, we devalue everything else about them; and, if we are devaluing other women and ourselves, AND other women are devaluing themselves and each other...OMG! You can see the nasty cycle it creates.
So, stop it. Stop. Being. So. Nice.
You can also read: "A Message to Women in Business: Its Okay to Love Money".
There may be times when its appropriate to modify behavior to suit a set of circumstances or to show respect for others in your presence. But, most times, business women need to avoid being nice first and real last. Instead, we need to share our honest thoughts and abilities and just be who we are.
Written By Kare Jacoba CEO LeadQuest
You can also read: "A Message to Women in Business: Its Okay to Love Money".
There may be times when its appropriate to modify behavior to suit a set of circumstances or to show respect for others in your presence. But, most times, business women need to avoid being nice first and real last. Instead, we need to share our honest thoughts and abilities and just be who we are.
Written By Kare Jacoba CEO LeadQuest
For more News & Gists, JOIN OUR BBM CHANNEL: C0024BB9F